WICKED Parody
by Fae08
Summary: WICKED ParodyChapter 5: Vegetables, Emeralds, and Brooms, Oh My! is now updated. Note: Really Long Chapter.Please Read and Review! : Chapter 1: The Question has now been edited!
1. The Question

Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction EVER, so please bear with me. This is only a parody, nothing serious...please read and tell me waht you think...

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**Opening scene Ozians are all out partying like its 1999, celebrating the death of the Wicked Witch of the West. In reality they would have had a party anyway, they just always need a really good excuse to have one. Had the witch not died they would have partied because some Ozian had finally opened their pickle jar. Some have partied so hard they've been sent to the Emergency Room at the Emerald City Hospital. Galinda, the "GA" is silent, and her giant bubble are floating down to the festivities.**

Ozian: Hark! What's that in the sky?

Another Ozian: It's a bird!

Munchkin Boy: No, it's a plane!

Glinda: No you dumbasses! It's Me in a giant BUBBLE! Can't you tell? Freakin'a Elphaba was right, Animals ARE smarter than you **(Ozians and Munchkins look dumbfounded at Glinda's outburst)** I mean **(adds a little Sweet and Low to her voice)** no fellow Ozians, tis I, Glinda the Good.

Ozian's and Muchkins: Ohhhhh!

Glinda: I just came by to tell you that-

Some other Ozian: That Leo finally opened his pickle jar! 'cuz we knew that already.

Glinda: Um no, although that's great news **(adds more Sweet and Low to her voice)** But no, I came to tell you to 'rejoycify' now that 'You Know Who' is dead.

Harry Potter: You mean Voldemort's finally dead and I didn't have to do a thing? Finally, I can take that vacation to Majorca with Ro-I mean with Ginny…

Glinda: **(Now even more pissed off)** NO! Not that You Know Who! The OTHER You know who! **(Realizes it's Harry Potter)** What are you doing here? Wrong Universe. Didn't you get the memo? You live in the Book section; we're still stuck in the Miscellaneous Land! Guards take him away!

Harry Potter: No! But I like it here! There's no responsibilities, nobody hates me or wants to kill me! And there aren't voices in my head! Nooooooo!** (Gets taken away to the Book section)**

Glinda: Anyway, The Wicked Witch of the West is dead.

All Ozians: YAY! She's dead! Let's party some more!

Hobo Ozian: Wait, why are we glad she's dead again? I forgot.

Another Random Ozian: Yeah I forgot too…** (tries to think)** Oh who cares! The Wizard didn't like her so as faithful citizens we must hate her too!

Hobo Ozian: Sounds good to me!

Ozian: Wait, how dead are we talking here?

Munchkin Boy: Yeah is there a body?

Glinda:** ( Now very irritated and realizes she's running out of Sweet and Low)** No, remember water can melt her.

**Ozian's and Munchkins still look confused, Glinda lowers her bubble**

Glinda: **(Speaking very slowly)** If water melts her, it destroys her body. Therefore not leaving any evidence of her physical existence.

Ozian's and Munchkins: Ohhhhhh!

Glinda: Now if you'll excuse me I have some crying and mourning to do-I mean I have to pack my things so I can move into the Wizards palace what with his sudden departure…

Some Other Ozian: Wait, is it true that you-

Glinda: **(Bursts into tears)** Yes it's true alright! I was her friend! I was the Wicked Witch's friend! Is that some sort of crime? And if it was what are you gonna do to me? Pop my bubble? Go ahead and try. It's indestructible!

Ozians and Munchkins: GASP!

Glinda: That's not what you were gonna ask was it?

Some Other Ozian who is the Same Ozian: Um no. I was gonna ask if it was true that all your gowns were custom made.

Glinda: Oh. Yes, yes it's true. Umm please ignore my little outburst…as it spoils the story.

Ozian's and Munchkins: Whatever you say Glinda, we're you're humble servants.** (They start bowing)** We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Glinda: I know you're not-I mean of course you are! Why don't you guys start the flashback music while I get some more Sweet and Low?

Ozian's and Munchkins: Yes Glinda The Goof-oops sorry typo-Glinda The Good.

Some Other Munchkin Dude: WAIT!

Glinda: **(Extremely irritated)** WHAT?!

Some Other Munchkin Dude: You forgot to ask us The Question!

Other Ozian's and Munchkins: Ohhh yeah The Question!

The Same Other Munchkin Dude: **( In a sing-song voice)** Someone's not reading their script…

Glinda: **(Rolls her eyes)** Oh The Question…right how does it go again? Okay, I've got it...**(adds last packed of Sweet and Low to her voice)** Are people born wicked or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? After all she-Wait a minute nobody asked me why wickedness happends! Where's the Ozian that says that?

Hobo Ozian: Ooooo I know! He's in the emergency room. He had a bit too much to drink if you know what I mean….Right now they're probably pumping his stomach…

Glinda: Great. Any way, she had a father, she had a mother, a child hood but like any dysfunctional family they had their little secrets….

Hobo Ozian: What kind of secrets?

Glinda: Oh you'll see…

**FLASHBACK ON STAGE**

Frex: I'm off to some conference dear, I really don't want to go… Maybe I'll send someone else instead…

Melena: **(Anxious for him to leave)** Of Frexy, honey, dearest don't worry, it's only ONE night…you'll- I mean We'll survive…go and do whatever it is that you do.

**Practically kicks him out of the house**

Frex: Okay but know that you're here in my heart while I'm-

Melena: **(Quickly) **That's nice, get out. **(Closes door)**

**Mysterious Lover walks out of closet**

Mysterious Lover: I thought he would never leave.**(Takes out elixir)** Have another drink my dark eyed beauty, I've got one more night left here in town, So have another drink of green elixir and we'll have ourselves a little mixer….

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Glinda: And the rest is history. She was born green and therefore shunned by everyone. There are you happy?

Ozian's and Munchkins: yes!

Glinda: Good. Now get ready for the flashback while I go find some more Sweet and Low.

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Author's Note: I apologize for the Harry Potter reference and the Superman refernce, I just couldn't help myself. I know WICKED is a serious musical, I don't mean to offend anyone. Hell, I don't even know if this is funny to anyone…But please review…tell me if it's okay or bad or anything at all…some constructive criticism basically… 

Thank You ---Fae


	2. Celery Stalks and Peroxide

Author's Note: Sorry I took so long, our puppy got the parvo virus and all we've done is take care of him, so I didnt really have much time. Thank fully he's doing better now. Any way I hope you enjoy this chapter. As long as you guys keep enjoying it, I'll keep writing it. Thanks for reading and please review. :)

Chapter 2: Celery Stalks and Peroxide

**Ozians and Munchkins disappear and are suddenly replaced with Shiz Students and a lovely Celery Stalk-I mean Elphaba**

Shiz Students: **singing** When we're in the Home or out in the streets we'll always remember who we shunned, that celery stalk at our days at Dear Old-

**Galinda re-enters AN:in what I think is the fastest costume change in history on top of luggage filled with "hair supply"**

Galinda: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**sings so high she makes Shiz Student #1deaf** old

Shiz Student #1: OW! My ear! I think my ear drum exploded!

Galinda: oops, I did it again…um sorry?

Shiz Student #1: WHAT! I can't hear!

Shiz Students:** Ignoring Shiz Student #1** Shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Shiz Students and Galinda minus Shiz Student #1 who ran away screaming finish their song and look strangely at the Celery Stalk-I mean Elphaba.**

Elphaba: **Sees them staring at her** I guess you guys AREN'T colorblind then? **Shiz students and Galinda shake their heads** No, I'm not a vegetable or any kind of plant-

Shiz Student#2:** under his breath** Are you sure?

Elphaba: I heard that! No, I'm not but if I was I'd be a Venus Fly trap

Shiz Student #2: Why?

Elphaba: **Gets close to his face and whispers** So I could eat you…alive **Opens her mouth and closes it quickly making a snaping sound. Shiz Student #2 wimpers while everyone else goes on ignoring him**

**Frex enters with Nessarose**

Frex: Elphaba!

Elphaba: **Annoyed** What do you want? I mean, Hi "beloved" father-who-shuns-me-all- the-time-but makes-me-take-care-of-a-daughter-that's-not-even-his-in-the-book.

Frex: What was that?

Elphaba: **Innocently** Nothing. Oh look, this is my **cough half** sister Nessarose, as you can see she is a perfectly pasty white color such as yourselves.

Frex: Stop embarrassing us! The only reason I brought you here was-

Elphaba: Was to make sure that Nessa could stalk Boq all she wanted.

Boq: What?

Elphaba and Frex: Nothing.

Frex: Anyway, here my precious little Rose **hands her a box**

Nessa: Oh, silver shoes! I love them Daddy!

Elphaba: WTF! She can't even walk! What is she gonna do with silver shoes! Hang'em up from the wall like a Disco Ball?

Frex: Elphaba, shut up.

Elphaba: **under her breath** Make me

Frex: I would, but child services won't let me. Nessa I love you and remember-

Nessa: I'm your favorite!

Frex: That's right. **He pats her on the head** Elphaba-

Elphaba:Yeah, I know you don't like me

Frex: Exactly, AND?

Elphaba: AND make sure Nessa doesn't get lost at night while she stalks Boq.

Boq: What?

Elphaba and Frex: Nothing.

Frex: Goodbye my favorite child, goodbye-

Elphaba: Yeah I get it, just leave. **Frex walks away as Elphaba flips him off**

Nessa: Sorry about the sho-

Elphaba: That's ok, Frex is just a jealous prick because I have head full of hair and he's just a stupid bald man who can go suck it for all I care…I mean I don't even like silver shoes…

**Madam Morrible enters**

Madam Morrible: Ahh another year teaching complete idiots…Welcome I'm the Head Bitch-sorry typo-Head Mistress. Whether you are here to learn to lie, cheat, steal, or all the above I guarantee you will excel in taking over any governments your little heart desires…or you get your money back.

**Everyone looks shocked at Morribles statement**

Madame Morrible: Now, now I'm just kidding, we don't give money back… It was a joke, relax**…Everyone relaxes and laughs nervously** Now on to room assignments…Miss Nessarose you will share a room with me---

Elphaba: What! That's not supposed to happen-Frex said _I _had to take care of her and **Elphaba's thoughts: wait! why am I complaining? This means I can be free!** On second thought…

Madam Morrible: Oh but Miss Thropp, you don't have a roommate…

Elphaba: That's okay, I'll live outside with the Animals if you want me to…

Madam Morrible: No, **looks at chart** Let me see here**…Looks at chart some more as Galinda and her posse talk amongst themselves**

Galinda: When is this plot gonna start moving? I swear, I'm like the most important person here, what the hell is taking her so long.

Posse: You should complain Galinda, you're just too good to just stand there and not do anything.

Galinda: I should huh? I mean look at me, I'm beautiful and perfect-How dare she?-

Madam Morrible: Any volunteers to be-

Galinda: Ooo That's my cue! Madam! Runs over to her

Madam Morrible: Oh perfect you're gonna be The Celery Stalk's roommate. How "good" of you.

Galinda: Wait what?

Elphaba: Huh? On second thought I'd rather room with my sister…

Madam Morrible: No too late, **starts to wheel Nessa away**

Elphaba: NO! I will not room with Barbie on Crack!

Galinda: I'm not a Barbie!

**Everyone stares at her**

Galinda: I mean I'm not on crack…

**Does weird magic thing and Nessa comes back to her**

Nessa: Elphaba! You know I hate the handless wheelchair ride! It makes me nauseous!

Madam Morrible: Oh my God! I thought you were just some green freak! Turns out I was right…but you're a SPECIAL green freak. You will be in my weird sorcery seminar! And one day or in the next couple of scenes the Wizard make you his "magic grand vizier" **under her breath, Or what I like to call, my next paycheck** And as for the rest of you- I will ignore because you are simply not important to the plot.

Galinda: WTF! What about me! I'm important too! I was supposed to be in the seminar! What the hell is going on here? I broke a nail, I ran out of hair-um ties, I'm not getting what I want, the world is surely coming to an end!

Madam Morrible: Oh just suck it up. **Exits with Nessa**

Posse: Oh Galinda let us comfort you!

Boq: No! Let me comfort you!

Glainda: Why don't you guys just carry my luggage, for I'm feeling sooo "weak"

Posse and Boq: yes Galinda, you goddess you! **They all exit except for the celery stalk**

Elphaba: Did that really just happen? Have I actually understood…that I have to share a room with the Barbie on Crack and that my sister has to live with the Head Bitch-oops sorry typo-Head Mistress?

AN: Did you just forget that the Wizard could make you his "magic grand vizier"?

Elphaba: **annoyed **If you would just let me finish!

AN: **scared for her life** sorry.

Elphaba: -And that the Wizard could make me his "Magic Grand Vizier"?

AN: Yeah it did just happen, could we move on?

Elphaba: Stop pressuring me!

AN: **hides in a corner** Okay.

Elphaba: Now let me sing my song that's dripping with forshadowing…LalalaMy weirdness is a talent lala me and the Wizard could best friends…lala he might even degreenify me if I'm lucky…lalal I'll be making good…lala ONE DAY THEY'LL BE A CELEBRATION THROUGHOUT OZ THAT'S ALL TO DO WITH ME…lala the Wizard and I..lala I'll be making good…maybe Frex will stop hating me..no, no he wont he's just a big prick..lala maybe Nessa will finally enjoy the handless wheelchair ride…no she's just a … never mind…lala…and though I'd NEVER SHOW it, I'd be so HAPPY I could MELT…lalala more foreshadowing..lala I'll be making good, they'll call me "Elphaba, The Good"…has kind of a ring to it no?

AN: Um, yeah…

**Galinda and Elphaba's room**

Galinda: Dearest, Darlingest Momsy and Popsicle...

Elphaba: Dear Frex, whom I hate and I don't even know why I'm writing to you since you don't like me that much either…

Galinda: I didn't get what I wanted!!!!

Elphaba: I have to share a room with The Barbie on Crack!!

Galinda: I heard that! I don't do crack, crack is wack!

AN: um Okay Whitney Houston

Galinda: My name is GALINDA! Oh OZ! What is the world coming to! The author doesn't know my name and I didn't get my way!!!!

Elphaba: Would you shut up and stop whining Barbie?

Galinda: No, you, you, you **struggling to insult her** gerrr well you're Green!

Elphaba**:sarcastically** Really, I didn't notice…..

Galinda: I, I ,-

Elphaba: What? Peroxide got your tongue? Or should I say hair?

Galinda: How dare you? I don't like you!

Elphaba: Yeah, well I LOATHE you!

Galinda: I-I-don't know what that means!

Elphaba: That's what happens when peroxide sinks into your skull!

**Suddenly Galinda's Posse enters**

Posse: **singing** Galinda you are just too good-,

Elphaba: Whoa! Where the hell did they come from?

Posse: **Stops singing** We were hiding in Galinda's closet. **Contiues singing **What did you ever do deserve this kind of torture? We just want to tell you, we're all on you're side! We will shun the green thing just please you! Sure we could get to know her and find out who the real bitch is, but then it would't give us plot, so we will shun her until you tells to stop!!! **They freeze in place**

Elphaba and Galinda: I'm gonna hate you forever!!

Elphaba: You're roots are showing.

Galinda: Ahh! Where's my peroxide!


	3. Chianti and Tight Ass Pants

Ch. 3

Chianti and Tight Ass Pants

**Elphaba and Galinda suddenly disappear and then reappear in Dr. Dillamond's class room with other students that are unimportant to the plot.**

**Dr. Dillamond enters.**

Dillamond: Quiet down you idiots, except you Miss Elphaba, you're not an idiot. Now I've read your essays and let me tell you, they're bad. Really bad. So bad I ate them. And you know what happened? I threw them up. That's how bad they were, except yours Miss Elphaba, yours was really good, I had it with some nice Chianti with a side of parsley and a glass of Merlot. Perfect, A+. **Elphaba blushes, everyone else give her a dirty look.** As for the rest of you, you get a big fat F. Especially yours, Miss Glinda, yours made me throw up the most…I think it was the fact that it was written in Pink Ink…I almost had to call Animal Control…

Galinda: Um, sorry about that, but it's GAlinda

Dillamond: Yeah whatever…

Galinda**: Talking to her Posse** I don't get it, first I didn't get what I wanted, then the author forgets my name, and then the talking Goat CAN'T pronounce my name! What is this world coming to?

Elphaba: Maybe the author and the talking Goat-I mean Dr. Dillamond don't give a shit about you or your stupid name. Maybe some of us are different and have better and more important things to do than making sure that the Barbie on Crack's name is remembered and pronounced correctly.

Galinda: Oh it seems the Jolly Green Giant has lost it's jolliness…shame it can't lose the Green part….

Elphaba: Do you want to take this outside?

Galinda: Bring it!

Elphaba: I'd love to!

Posse **which are all of the students and Nessa of course:** FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Nessa: Hit her with a chair Elphaba! Hell you can use mine if you want! I promise I wont tell Daddy!

Elphaba: Thanks Nessie **attempts to pick up chair**

Dillamond: **Doing a Principal Belding imitation** Hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?

Elphaba: Well as you can see here, I was about to pick up this chair and-

Dillamond: Yes I can see that. I do not allow fighting in this classroom, although I think you could've taken her…any way let me tell you about how everything from the past is blamed on Animals and how they are used as Scapegoats, ha ha get it?

Galinda: I thought this class was about history. Why do you keep talking about the past?

Elphaba: Can I hit her? Pretty please?

Dillamond: No, I can't allow that

Elphaba: Then can YOU hit her? Pretty please? I promise I won't tell.

Dillamond: Unfortunately I can't do that either.

Elphaba: Damn it. Stupid child services!

Dillamond: Anyway, since you idiots, except you Miss Elphaba, don't want to talk about history, I'm gonna go back and teach you basic English skills. Like how i's are dotted with just a simple little dot, NOT a heart, Miss Glinda.

Galinda: Um, it's GAlinda.

Dillamond: Whatever. **Walks over to chalk board and turns it over. Instead of being blank it reads, ANIMALS SHOULD BE EATEN WITH CHIANTI OR WITH A1 SAUCE AND NOT HEARD** OMG which one of you idiots wrote this**No one answers** Fine then, get out. **Everyone exits except Elphaba**

Elphaba: **Reading board** "ANIMALS SHOULD BE EATEN WITH CHIANTI OR WITH A1 SAUCE AND NOT HEARD"….

Dillamond: Miss Elphaba, don't worry about me, go and hang out with your friends

Elphaba: I don't have any, isn't that obvious?

Dillamond: Yeah, but I didn't want to be rude.

Elphaba: That's all right, would you like to eat my English essay? I got an A+ on it.

Dillamond: Oh I'd love to**Takes a bite** Mmm this would go great with some Chianti and- **Looks at board again** Suddenly I've lost my appetite. Anyway, I have to tell you that something bad is happening….in Oz.

Elphaba: Something bad? …. Happening in Oz?

Dillamond: Yes that's what I just said, something bad…happening in Oz.

Elphaba: How bad?

Dillamond: Really bad.

Elphaba: Mmm What kind of bad are we talkin' about here?

Dillamond: Do you remember how Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End ended?

Elphaba: Oh my God, it's that bad?

Dillamond: No, it's worse.

Elphaba: **Gasp** If things are THAT bad someone has to tell the Wizard **Elphaba's thoughts: hint, hint ME**

Dillamond: Yeah **Dillamond's thoughts: Hint, hint YOU Celery Stalk**

**The next scene is in what I think is the Shiz Courtyard. Tight-Pants-Fiyero and his slave, Avaric enter Piggy-back ride style, Avaric being the piggy.**

Avaric-the-slave: Oy! Tight-pants Fiyero we've arrived at Shiz University now kindly remove yourself OFF my back before you break it.

Tight-Pants-Fiyero:[**Still on his back** Are suggesting that I'm fat? 'Cuz I'm totally not. It's all muscle underneath these tight clothes.

Avaric-the-slave: **Stuggling to breathe** That's nice, but-

Tight-Pants-Fiyero: All right, I'll be honest with you. I do have a little fat on me, but it's only 6 percent, the other 94 percent is ALL muscle. You can call me Mr.6 percent Body Fat if you want.

Avaric-the-slave: **Still struggling** That's nice but I can't do this anymore!

Tight-Pants-Fiyero:**Completely Clueless** Do what?

Avaric: This **drops him roughly on the ground**

Fiyero: Ouch! You almost made me tear my Tight-Ass Pants!

Avaric: That's nice, I don't care. I'm leaving now, have fun failing out of another school!

**Exits**

Fiyero: Aww Avaric, thanks! I'll see you soon, 3 weeks tops!

**Boq and Galinda enter**

Boq: Miss Galinda, if you don't listen to me I'll have to start stalking you! And I really don't want to know what it's like to have a restraining order on the receiving end!

Galinda: **Clearly NOT paying attention** What was that Biq?

Boq: It's Boq!

Galinda: Whatever…**Catches sight of a Random hot guy** OMG it's some random hot guy!

**Fiyero gets confused and notices that there is indeed another hot guy there. Fiyero walks over to him**

Fiyero: Hey, man this is my gig.

Random Hot Guy: Oh dude are you serious?

Fiyero: Can't you tell? I mean look at these tight pants…

Random Hot Guy: I did but I wasn't sure, oh dude I'm sorry I thought it was my turn to make a love triangle and be the cause of a chick fight!

Fiyero: It's okay, just remember for next time…

Random hot guy: I just feel so embarrassed…so ashamed

Fiyero: It's okay, just remember that there can only be ONE hot guy.

Random hot guy: I will. **He exits**

Fiyero: And start over!

Galinda: OMG! It's that tight-assed-pant wearing Winkie Prince with a scandalacious reputaion!

Fiyero: That's better. **Walks towards them in slow motion with his hair slowly swishing side to side** hello you sexy thing you.

Galinda: **Fliping her hair and giggling** Hi!** Flipping her hair even harder and faster**

Boq: Oh my! Miss Galinda are you having epileptic seizure?

Fiyero: Relax Shorty, she's just flirting. **Copies Galinda**

Boq: Mayber I should try that…**Copies Galinda**

Galinda: Oh Biq **stops flipping** Are you having a seizure?

Boq: It's Boq! And no.

Galinda: Oh, ok. **To Fiyero** So..are you looking for something or SOMEONE?

Fiyero: Yeah I was looking for history class but I purposely made my slave take me here piggy back style so I would miss it…Any way the real reason I'm here is to sing a song that's filled with more foreshadowing and irony and teaches you not to care about anything, to just Tango your way through life.

Galinda and Boq: Tango?

Fiyero: DANCE, just dance through it, any kind of dance, just dance damn it!

Galinda and Boq **scared** Ok.

Fiyero: You see the problem with schools is that they want you to become less like me and more like…like you Shorty, and we just can't have that here. You see Life is PAINLESS for BRAINLESS **hint hint cough cough, more foreshaowing** So lets have a big celebration celebrating my hotness and my tight-ass pants, what's the most swankified place here?

Galinda: The Ozdust Ballroom **Squeals**

Fiyero: Perfect! I'll make my slave make the party preparations!

Boq: Uh Miss Galinda? Um I hope you save a dance for me… I'll be waiting in that little corner over there, ALL night, for YOU

Galinda: um, that's nice, but how about you ask the Beautiful Cripple in exchange that I don't have my lawyers send you a restraining order?

Boq: **Very excited** Okay, I'd be happy to **Exits off with Nessa**

Fiyero: Wow, you're smarter than I thought.

Galinda: **coyly** I don't know what you mean but I conveniently don't have a date tonight…

Fiyero: So I'll pick you up at 8?

Galinda: Ye-AH! After all you're perfect

Fiyero: You're perfect

Galinda and Fiyero: So we're perfect together!

Fiyero: You're a natural blonde right?

Galinda: Um, yeah…sure….

**Fades to Elphaba and Nessa.**

Elphaba: So what if some Hot Tight-assed pants wearing Winkie Prince is here? Can't we all just control our raging hormones?

Nessa: Um have you seen the Hot Tight-assed pants wearing Winkie Prince?

Elphaba: No.

Nessa: Then you just don't understand. Plus what do you expect?. There's only one hot guy allowed here.

Elphaba: What about Boq?

Nessa: He's okay… By the way, I will be joining in on the Hot guy party celebration.

Elphaba: Since when?

Nessa: Since Galinda made Boq-I mean convince Boq to ask me out. Turns out that he was too shy to do it.

Elphaba: Again, since when?

Nessa: Stop being mean to Galinda and go to something nice for her.

Elphaba: Why?

Nessa: Cuz I can't! Plus she was nice to your crippled little sister…

Elphaba: Ok, fine, but only because she did something nice for you, don't expect me to become her best friend…**Exits**

Nessa: That's what you think…

**Elphaba and Galinda's room.**

Galinda: Hurry, zip me up, zip me up!

Shen Shen: I'm trying! But it won't go up!

Galinda: What do you mean it won't go up? It has to! Pfanee help her!

**Pfanee and Shen Shen attempt to zip up the dress but continue to struggle**

Galinda: What's the hold up?

Pfanee and Shen Shen: It won't go up!

Shen Shen: What size are you again?

Galinda: Uhhh! What are you trying to say? That I'm fat? 'Cuz I'm NOT. For your information, I'm a size 2!

Pfanee: But this IS a size 2!

Galinda: I'm just a little bloated okay? Just a little water retention caused by..by..by STRESS, that's caused by you two idiots if you don't zip up this DRESS!

Shen Shen: Okay, on the count of 3, Galinda you're gonna suck it in and me and Pfanee'll zip it up!

Pfanee: One, Two, THREE, Suck it in, suck it in **She sucks it in and it somehow gets zipped up**

Galinda: AHHH!! Finally! You useless pieces of crap! Ow **Struggles to breathe**

Pfanee: Eww Galinda what is this piece of crap **Holds ugly witches hat**

Galinda: Oh that, it's a hat my granny gave me, used as a foreshadowing device…I'd give it away but I don't hate anyone that much…

Shen Shen and Pfanee: Yeah ya do!

Galinda: **Completely clueless** Who?

Shen Shen and Pfanee: The Celery Stalk!

Galinda: Ohhhh **Hits her forehead**

**As if on cue, the Celery Stalk enters**

Elphaba: Hey me and my crippled sister were just talking about you…

Galinda: Oh I was talking shit on you too!! Look it's a hat used as a foreshadowing device, you should wear it to the party, it's so YOU!

Elphaba: **Surprised** Oh, um thanks, I think…

Galinda: You are welcomed **runs away giggling with Shen Shen and Pfanee**

Elphaba: I wonder if I should be suspicious?

**Fades to the Ozdust Ballroom, Boq comes in chained to Nessa.**

Boq: Nessa, I have to tell you something.

Nessa: What?

Boq: Umm **Boq's Thoughts: I don't wanna be with you! I don't wanna be with you!** Can you _unchain_ me; the handcuffs are cutting off my circulation.

Nessa: Promise you won't try to run away?

Boq: **Scared** I promise! Pretty please!

Nessa: Okay! But if you do I'll have start stalking you again. **Unchains him from wheelchair**

Boq: Um there's something else I have to tell you, the real reason why I asked you here tonight…

Nessa:**Makes sad face** I know why, it's because I'm a cripple and you just felt sorry for me…

Boq: **Falls into Nessa's trap and feels bad** Uh no, it's because you're soo pretty…

Nessa: **Sad face suddenly disappears** Oh Boq I think you're wonderful! And one day we're gonna get married and have lots of babies!

Boq: **Uncomfortable** Uhh ya know what, I'm gonna ignore that and wheel you around the dance floor.

Nessa: What ever works for you. **Wheels her around**

**Enter Tight-assed-pants wearing Fiyero and Size "2" Galinda**

**Galinda looks like she can't breathe, Fiyero notices**

Fiyero: Um, are you okay there?

Galinda: **struggling **Yes of course! What makes you think I'm not!

Fiyero: Well you almost fainted as we came in-**Suddenly Morrible comes in**

Morrible: Hey Blondie, The Celery Stalk said she'd quit my seminar if I didn't let you in as well, and I NEED the Celery Stalk, so here's this wand even though I think you're completely useless.

Galinda: Wait, ELPHABA did what?

Morrible: Were you not paying attention?

Galinda: Yes, but WHY?

Morrible: It her way of paying you back for being so "nice" to her. See ya **Pinches Fiyero's ass on her way out**

Fiyero: Ow!! I'm gonna call child services for that!

Morrible:**Yells as she walks away** go ahead and try it **exits**

Fiyero: What's wrong?

Galinda: **starting to feel bad** I got what I wanted…

Fiyero: Sweet, let's dance!

**As if on cue, AGAIN, Elphaba enters with her foreshadowing device, everyone stops dancing and makes way. Oh and stares at her.**

**Fiyero looks at Elphaba from across the room.**

Fiyero: **in love and stunned** Who's that?

Galinda: My roommate, don't stare at her!

Fiyero: Why not? She's so, so, beau-

Galinda: **not paying attention** Green I know!

**Students talking shit on The Celery Stalk, Celery Stalk gets pissed, give Blondie evil glare, and starts dancing all weird**

Fiyero: **Still amazed by Elphaba** Wow, she doesn't give a shit about what ANYONE thinks of her…**Fiyero's Thoughts: That's sexy. My new favorite color is green**

Galinda: **Still not paying close attention** Yes she does, she just pretends not to…

**Fiyero's Thoughts: Doesn't look like it to me, and trust me I know about pretending**

Galinda: OW! **clutches her stomache**

Fiyero: **unfazed** What?

Galinda: I'm getting this really funny feeling. OoooOWOooooOw** clutches stomache again** Oh…no…I'm..getting..a con-scious…owwowow must…go…make…things…better…

**Walks over to Elphaba**

Galinda: May I dance like a freak with you?

Elphaba: No

Galinda: Please, I'm sorry!

Elphaba: Okay.

**They dance all weird and then everyone accepts it**

Galinda: Now let's all finish singing about how our lives can change while we're dancing through…**Hint hint more foreshadowing…hint hint notice the irony…**

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed that. I'm sorry for not adding Popular to this chapter, but I didnt realize how long my rendition of "Dancing Through Life" was gonna be. I promise I'm gonna TRY to get "Popular" up today, but just "Popular", I think..well, I'll see. any way please review, they make me happy :)


	4. Secrets, Thoughts, and a List

Chapter 4

Secrets, Thoughts, and a List

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**Greenie and Blondie enter laughing**

Elphaba: -So then I grab green finger paint and I rub it all over Nessa's face and arms and I wait for it to dry and then I wheel her in to Frex's office and I say "Look now we're both green, what are you gonna do now?"

Galinda: Ha ha ha, then what, then what **Claps her hands**

Elphaba: Well first he screamed, then he started praying to the Unnamed God. Some thing along the words of "Please make my crippled daughter normal again" and then I said " You mean being able to walk? 'Cuz she's never been able to do that"

Galinda: **Gasps** ELPHIE!

Elphaba: Elphie?

Galinda: It's your new name, get used to it.

Elphaba: **Looks at her weird** Um okay…then he threatened to slap me and then I threatened to tell all Munchkin Child Services how he treated his own flesh and blood, which would then make the voters hate him... Needless to say I won. And for kicks I threw some water on Nessa and yelled, "Look Frex she's melting"

Galinda: Oh my! And did she?

Elphaba: **Sarcastically **Yeah, Galinda my sister melted.

Galinda: Really, and how did you put her together?

Elphaba: **Rolls her eyes** We used sponges to absorb her and then squeezed them into a large container and froze her.

Galinda: WOW! That's amazing! Do you know what's even more amazing?

Elphaba: **Dead panned** No, what?

Galinda: My sudden engagement to Fiyero!

Elphaba: He already asked you?

Galinda: In my head he did, does that count?

Elphaba: Not really, but since you're my only friend I'm gonna say yes.

Galinda: Aww thanks. Hey what's this green bottle thingie hidden under your pillow?

Elphaba: How did you know about my bottle?

Galinda: I may have snooped a little…

Elphaba: That's not very good of you, you know.

Galinda: It is in my head. Now tell me.

Elphaba: No.

Galinda: Tell me!

Elphaba: No!

Galinda: Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! **Grabs bottle from bed and starts jumping up and down**

Elphaba: Give it back! It belonged to my mommy **Grabs it from her**

Galinda: Mean. I told you a really good secret.

Elphaba: I didn't even know we were telling secrets.

Galinda: Well we are NOW! Now tell me your secret!

Elphaba: No.

Galinda: I'm tired, so you either tell me your secret or I'll get my peroxide and dye your hair blonde. Your choice.

Elphaba: **Quickly** My father hates me.

Galinda: Oh honey that's not a secret.

Elphaba: It's not? **Galinda shakes her head** Well then, it's my fault Nessa can't walk.

Galinda: How is that your fault? What'd you do? Trip her down the stairs?

Elphaba: No, my mom was carrying Nessa and Frex didn't want her to turn out, ya know like me.

Galinda: What? Tall? Sarcastic? Mean? Skinny?

Elphaba: No, dumbass, GREEN.

Galinda: Yeah I wanted to say that but I didn't want to be mean.

Elphaba: Oh how good of you.

Galinda: I know, that gives me an idea! I'm gonna make you pretty and popular!

Elphaba: Um. No.

Galinda: You keep saying that and I keep on not caring.

Elphaba: I should just give up now huh?

Galinda: Yeah you really should. Lesson One: Flirting. When you see a boy you're attracted to, flip your hair. A lot. You know you're doing it right when it looks like you're having an epileptic seizure. It works every time. Take notes this is important.

Elphaba: Am I gonna be tested on this?

Galinda: Yes, yes you are. Lesson Two: Restraining Orders. I think that's self-explanatory. Lesson Three: What colors to wear after Labor Day. **Looks at Elphaba **We'll work on that. Lesson Four: Fixing the hair, finally something easy. **Takes her hair out of the** **bun so that it's down** Hey you look less ugly now!

Elphaba: I'm gonna ignore that…

Galinda: Um Okay. Now your clothes have got to go.**Gets wand out **Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo turn this ugly blue frock into a lovely ball gown **Nothing happens** Huh? Um Abracadavra turn this ugly blue frock into a lovely ball gown **Nothing happens** Uh somebody Accio me a Ballgown! **And still nothing happens** Is this thing on? Maybe it needs batteries…

Elphaba: Do you want me to try?

Galinda: No! You know what keep the frock, its not that bad…Instead I'm gonna let you borrow my pink flower. **Puts it in her hair** Oh my!

Elphaba: Its bad huh? See! There's no way you can make a Celery Stalk attractive!

Galinda: You're wrong. **Hands her the mirror** You're beautiful.

**Enter James Blunt**

James Blunt: **Singing** You're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true and I'll never be wi- **Looks at Elphaba **Whoa! You're green.

Elphaba: Whoa! You're ugly.

AN: Dude get out, you're weren't invited **I kick him out** Please continue.

Elphaba: Where was I?

AN and Galinda: You were gonna look at yourself in the mirrior.

Elphaba: Oh yeah... **Looks at mirror** Whoa! Um I can't handle this new pretty Elphaba so I'm gonna do what I do best: Run Away!**Runs away**

Galinda: Okay, But you're still gonna be tested on this!

**Dillamond's Classroom, Shiz Students are talking, PRETTY Elphaba enters, as the orginial script says "Outrageously dressed"**

Elphaba: **Reading her notes** Flip hair, make it look like a seizure…That's ridiculous..

**Enter Fiyero**

Elphaba: On second thought…**Starts flipping hair** Flip! Flip!_**Elphaba's thoughts**_: _**Is this working? Wait, isn't that the Hot Tight-assed pants wearing Winkie Prince? Oh shit! That's my only friend's fiancée! Well in her head…Must stop flipping…Oh but I can't it's so much fun! Actually I'm getting a headache…**_

**Fiyero's looking at her**

Elphaba: What?!

Fiyero: Nothing it's just that **_Fiyero's thoughts_**:_**I didn't know Sexy was gone until you brought it back** _You've been 'Galindafied', You don't have to do that you know. **_Fiyero's thoughts: But I wouldn't mind if you did it more often…wait there's something I forgot… Have I flirted with anyone lately? No…Did I? I'm not involved with anyone right? I can't be, I just got here…Right? Wait how long have I been here? Like a day right? How could I be dating anyone? Hmm no one comes to mind, but I feel … And yet I still feel like I'm forgetting something…Nah!_**

**Dillamond Enters**

Dillamond: Hey, idiots! Except you Miss Elphaba. **Notices Fiyero** Oh I see there's a new idiot in class, too bad I won't be able to tell you how bad your essays are…**Notices Galinda's not there** Hey where's that blonde thing? I forgot her name again, I think it was something with a 'G'…

**_Fiyero Thoughts: The blonde thing? What blonde thing? The letter 'G', that sounds familiar…George, like Curious George? Or Greg? Oh maybe it's a girl..mmm Gina?_**

Elphaba: Galinda's feeling a little under the weather…**_Elphaba's thoughts: A little under the peroxide is more like it…_**

**_Fiyero's Thoughts: "Galinda"? What an ugly name…I still feel like I'm forgetting something…Man I hate this feeling…_**

Elphaba: Why is it that you wont be able to tell the idiots how bad their essays are? What's going on?

Dillamond: I just got fired.

**Scientists enter and start to take the Goat away**

Elphaba: What?

Fiyero: Wait. What's happening?

Elphaba: They can't take you away! That's discrimination against Animals!

Dillamond: No shit! But I will never shut up and neither should you Celery Stalk, may the force be with you! **gets dragged away**

**Morrible enters**

Morrible: Well that sucks…

Elphaba: Aren't you going to do anything?

Morrible: I can't. It's out of my hands.

Elphaba: But you're the HEADMISTRESS!

Morrible: Yeah, well…Any way I brought you guys a new teacher who's been approved by the Wizard, so there, have fun. **Exits**

Creepy Professor: Hey **Takes out cage with cute little lion cub **Look what I have **Speaks really slow** This. Is. A. Cage. With. An. Animal. This. Animal. Will. Never. Speak.

Fiyero: Why are you talking so slow?

Creepy Professor: Oh I thought there was a Miss Galinda in here, I heard she was a slow learner.

Fiyero: She's not here. _**Fiyero's thoughts: she died or something…right?**_

Elphaba: Can you imagine a place where Animals are kept in cages and they never speak?

AN: Yeah, it's called a ZOO.

Elphaba and Fiyero: What?

AN: Nothing.

Creepy Professor: Well in that case…The Animal's in the cage for his own good-

Elphaba: If it's for it's own good then why is there foam coming out of his mouth? And why does he keep throwing paper out of his cage that says **picks up paper** "I am an important plot device that is used for forshadowing. Hurry up and 'save' me you dumb bitch" Oh shit! I have to...DO SOMETHING!

**She does weird magic thing, everyone BUT Fiyero and Elphaba start having epileptic seizures**

Fiyero: Whoa! What have I been smoking lately?

Elphaba: Nothing, that I know of…

Fiyero: I have a feeling that you're the cause of this…**_Fiyero's thoughts: And I still think that's sexy_** **Grabs Cage**

Elphaba: What are you doing?

Fiyero: What does it look like I'm doing? Are you coming?

Elphaba: **Looks around at the people having epileptic seizures** I don't think I have a choice.

**And suddenly they're in the forest**

Elphaba: Careful! Don't shake him!

Fiyero: Well its kind of hard not to when you're RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE!

Elphaba: Well then maybe you shouldn't of RAN!

Fiyero: You're the one that said "DO SOMETHING"!

Elphaba: I didn't necessarily tell YOU to do something!

Fiyero: Why? You must think that because I'm ridiculously good looking, I must be really stupid.

Elphaba: Not _really _stupid, just a little.

**_Fiyero's Thoughts: Why is it that every time I see you your causing some sort of commotion?_**

Elphaba: I don't cause commotions, I _am _one.

Fiyero: Whoa! You can read minds?

Elphaba: No, you said it out loud.

Fiyero: I thought I was thinking it…

**_Elphaba's Thoughts: You think? What a joke!_**

Fiyero: That's not a joke! I to do think!

Elphaba: What? How-

Fiyero: You spoke out loud Miss Smarty Pants. Look if you're just gonna be mean, I can just go. I have better things to do. **_Fiyero's thoughts: Like redecorating my dorm room, I'm tired of the color blue, I'm gonna paint it green. And then I'm gonna google you…Hmm there's still something that I'm forgetting. Man I hate this feeling…_**

Elphaba: No, don't go!**Grabs his hand** **_Elphaba's Thoughts: Stay, I like you…Wait. What just happened? Why am I touching him? He's hands are soft. No! Stop it. Say something Green Girl!_ Looks down at cage _Of yeah, the lion cub_** Um poor lion cub, he's still foaming at the mouth…I didn't mean for it-

Fiyero: What did you mean to do? Why was I the only one you didn't do it to **_Fiyero's thoughts: Whoa. Where did that come from? Oh damn it Fiyero, have you been thinking again?_**

**_Elphaba thoughts: Is it me, or is he attempting to think? Damn, must distract him_…Looks at his beautiful bleeding face** **_Oh no! My Winkie Prince- I mean THE Winkie Prince is bleeding!_**

Elphaba: Oh no! Some how the cub scratched you **Touches his face**

**_Lion Cubs Thoughts: I scratched him a long time ago you dumb bitch. I hate every one. All I really want is my bottle, my mommy, and that big juicy steak I was just about to eat before some stupid Fat Woman and some stupid creepy professor decided to put me in this friggen cage._**

**_Fiyero's thoughts: I'm bleeding? Wait, she's touching me…Her hands are soft and such a lovely shade of green. And what a pretty pink flower, it goes good with green…WAIT! PINK! The letter "G"… "Galindafied", "Galinda"! Crap! I just remembered I have a girlfriend. Who wears pink. Who's name is Galinda. And who is NOT dead. Damn it!_**

Fiyero: **Distracted** Yeah, it scratched me…**_Fiyero's thoughts: Galinda would kill me if I broke up with her!_** I better get to safety…**Notices cub** I mean the cub, get the cub to safetly. **Takes cage from Elphaba. Their hands touch again and there is a both physical and visual spark**

Elphaba and Fiyero: Ow!

**_Lion Cubs Thoughts: Good, I hope it hurt. A lot._**

Fiyero: **Unsure **It must have been static or something

Elphaba: **Also unsure** Right. Static.

**_Lion Cubs Thoughts: Humans are stupid. Static? That's not static. That's called being ATTRACTED to each other. Idiots._**

Fiyero: Um this is getting more and more awkward, so I'm gonna do what I do best: Run Away. **Runs away with cage, cub flips Elphaba off and holds up note that reads: "Setting me free is gonna come back and bite you in the ass, toodles!" But Elphaba does not notice**

Elphaba: He likes to run away? I like to run away! Why can't we run away together?

AN: You will.

Elphaba: What?

AN: Nothing….

Elphaba: This isn't fair! Galinda gets everything she wants! She gets to be that girl that who gets everything. I wanna be that girl. I never get anything. Not normal colored skin, because, well I don't know why. Not the silver shoes _even though I think they would look better on me than Nessa_ because Frex hates me. Not the hot Winkie Prince, because Galinda saw him first. Probably not even gonna get to meet the friggen Wizard. My life sucks.

**Enter Morrible**

Morrible: Hey! Guess what came in the mail today?

Elphaba: What?

Morrible: You're not gonna guess?

Elphaba: Do I have to?

Morrible: I guess not if you're gonna be mean about it…**_Morribles Thoughts:Oh but I need to get this plot moving!_** But I'll tell you any way. **In a sing song voice** The Wizard wants to meet you!

Elphaba: What?

Morrible: That's right. I pulled a few strings here and there and Bada Bing Badaboom I got you an invitation. Now hurry the hell up, I even _conveniently_ bought you _two_ train tickets.

Elphaba: Oh thank you so much!

Morrible: Think nothing of it Green thing…but those tickets aren't cheap, so you owe me a hundred bucks. And I don't take visa, mastercard, American express, money orders or I.O.U's. I just want pure green cash. Got it? **Elphaba nods** Good, now hurry the hell up.

**Morrible Exits**

Elphaba: Well then, **Gets out list that's titled: THINGS I WANT BUT CAN'T HAVE BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT GIRL** I'm meeting the wizard **Crosses it out** One down, four more to go…

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Authors Note: I am sooooo soorrry I took sooo long in posting. I really have no excuse...I apologize if the chapter was short. I PROMISE this week I'll at least reach the end of ACT1. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, although I have to say I enjoyed much more writing the dancing through life parody... 

Oh and pretty please Review, they brighten up my always cloudy day.

Thanx-Fae


	5. Vegetables, Emeralds, and Brooms,Oh My!

Chapter 5

Vegetables, Emeralds, and Brooms, Oh My!

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**Galinda Enters, Elphaba sees her and gets confused all of a sudden.**

Elphaba: Whoa, where did you come from **(looks down and notices she's holding her suitcase)** And where did I get this suitcase?

Galinda: Silly Artichoke-

Elphaba: I thought I was a Celery Stick?

Galinda: Yeah well I changed it, get used to it. As I was saying, Silly Artichoke, we're at the train station and you're off to see the Wizard, The WONDERFUL Wizard. As for the suit case, you got that from the props people.

Elphaba: Oh.

**Galinda sees Elphaba holding her list**

Galinda: Hey what's that (**Points to her list**)

Elphaba: Do you have A.D.D or something? I thought we just discussed this was a suit case.

Galinda: Not that! The little paper in your hand.

Elphaba: **(Puts it in her pocket quickly)** Nothing.

Galinda: OOOooooo Is it a love note? Oooooooo it's a love note! Elphie's got a love note! Elphie's got a love note! Who's it from? Who's it from?

Elphaba: No one! It's not-

Galinda: You mean you WROTE a love note? To who? To who! **(Starts jumping up and down)**

Elphaba: It' s NOT A LOVE NOTE!

Galinda: **(Disappointed)** Oh. **(Pause)** Then what is it?

Elphaba: It's the um...um the Hardy Weinberg Equation!

Galinda: **(Even more disappointed**) Oh...well then... Never mind...

**Enter Boq, chained and wheeling Nessarose in**

Nessa: I wouldn' t have had to chain you up again if you had just let me finish telling you the names of our future children! But noooooo! Because of your constant fear of commitment you just HAD to start running away! When are you gonna learn that- Sees Elphaba- Oh hi Elphaba!

Elphaba: Hi.** (Looks at a chained up Boq)** I see the handcuffs I gave you for your birthday are finally paying off.

Nessa: Oh yeah. Did I ever say thank you?

Elphaba: No.

Nessa: Oh...Well any way. I just want to say I'm glad that your weird magical talents got you an invitation to meet the WONDERFUL Wizard. I'm very proud of you and I'm sure if Father cared or loved you at all he would be proud too.

Elphaba: Oh gee THANKS Nessie.

Nessa: You're welcome.

Boq: Um Nessa these handcuffs are cutting off my circulation again.

Nessa: Uhhhh Boq, you and your stupid circulation...again!...Fine, I'll let you go. **(Unchains him)**

Boq: Uhhh Thank oz! **(Massages his wrists)**

Elphaba: You'll be okay right Nessa?

Galinda: She'll be fine! Biq over here will take care of her!

Boq: It's Boq! Why is that so hard for you?! I hate this!

**(Runs away like Napolean Dynamite)**

Nessa: Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have unchained him!

Galinda: Um Nessa have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't like being chained?

Nessa: No. That's not the problem. **(Starts Fake Crying)**It's the one he's chained to** (To Elphaba, saying it like the little boy from Jerry Maguire) **Go ahead and go! Go ahead and go **(Wheels herself away)**

Elphaba: Nessa! **(Starts to go after her but Galinda stops her)**

Galinda: She'll be fine! She's just gonna have to manage without you! We all will.

Elphaba: I've only been here for 2 days, I'm pretty sure you can manage. I don't know about Nessa though...How is she gonna stalk Boq at night? We haven't even practiced our "How to stalk Boq at night" procedures!

Galinda: Well by the looks of this strange fog I'm pretty sure she has it all under control.

Elphaba: You think?

Galinda: Yeah...

Elphaba: So yeah, I guess this is it. I'm leaving... **(Starts walking away but suddenly turns around)** But before I leave I wanted to know how things were going between you and that scandalacious Prince. I've heard MANY things about him and I want to make sure that-

Galinda: That I'm not hanging with the wrong crowd?

Elphaba: Um yeah..sure..

Galinda: Oh that's so nice! But it's not me who's hanging with the wrong crowd. It's him.

Elphaba: **(Worried)** What do you mean?

Galinda: I mean he's not the same Fiyero I met 24 hours ago.

Elphaba: Why?

Galinda: I think he's been-Oh I can't say it!

Elphaba: What? What is it?

Fiyero-Off-Stage: Hey that's my line!

Elphaba: Sorry! **Stumbling **Is it drugs? Is he involved in drugs?

Galinda: No, its worse!

Elphaba: Worse? Is he in a gang?

Galinda: No! **(Starts Crying, for real)**

Elphaba: Does he secretly like to dress up as a woman and go to bars and hit on strange men?

Galinda: No! Don't I wish! Cuz then we could give each other fashion tips!

Elphaba: What, what is it?

Fiyero-Off-Stage: Stop saying my line!

Elphaba: Sorry!

Galinda: Oh you're never gonna guess! I'm just gonna come out and say it: Fiyero's. Been. **(sob) **THINKING! **(More sobs)**

Elphaba: **(Slowly)** He's been thinking? You're upset because he's been thinking?  
_**(Elphaba's thoughts: He's thinking! No only is he ridiculously good looking, with buns of steel, but he THINKS too? He's the perfect man! I'm in love!...oh wait, he's taken. Damn.)**_

Galinda: Ever since the last two scenes he's been, Oh Oz, Concerned, about that smelly old goat. How does that happen? He only met him once! I want my shallow prince back! **Starts crying**

**Fiyero enters with flowers, Galinda sees and stops crying immediately**

Galinda: **(With Sweet and Low added to her voice)** Hi dearest!

Fiyero: Uh hi**_...(Fiyero's thoughts: what's her name again? Something with a "G"...Gertrude? Gale? Ginny? Galina? Galina right? There's a letter missing. Oh hell!)_** Sweetie. **(Sees Elphaba)** Hi **_(Fiyero's thoughts: You sexy thing you)_** Elphaba, I'm very happy for you.

Galinda: Yes, we are BOTH sooo happy for you. **(Notices flowers in Fiyero's hand)** Oh, dearest are those for me?

Fiyero: Um no, actually they're for Elphaba, ya know cuz she's leaving an all **(Hands Elphaba the flowers )** For you. **(they make googly eyes at each other, Galinda is oblivious)** Um you know Elphaba, I've been thinking-

Elphaba: **(Dazed)** I've heard.

Fiyero: About that scene with the lion cub-

**_Galinda's thoughts: What scene? What lion cub?_**

Fiyero: I think about that scene a lot.

Elphaba: Really? So do I. **_(Elphaba's thoughts: I also have this recurring fantasy where we ditch Glinda and run away together)_**

Galinda: Yeah I think about that scene a lot too!

Elphaba and Fiyero: You do?

Galinda: **(Trying to get Fiyero's attention)** Yeah, all the time.

Elphaba: You weren't even there! You were in the bathroom dye-washing your hair!

Galinda: Yeah, but while I was washing my NATURALY blond hair, I was watching the scene on-on um

AN: You Tube!

Galinda: Right! You Tube (To Authoress: What's You Tube?)

AN: Nothing you need to worry about.

Galinda: Ok

Elphaba and Fiyero: You Tube?

AN: Don't listen to her. She's talking crazy talk again!

Elphaba and Fiyero: Ok!

Galinda:** (Completely Oblivious)** To honor the Old Goat-

Elphaba: Dr. Dillamond

Galinda: Whatever. And to express... **(Looks at Elphaba)** my outrage-

**_Elphaba's Thoughts: Why does she look at me when she says that?_**

Fiyero's Thoughts: I wish Galinda would leave. **(Looks at Elphaba's hands and sees that she is holding two train tickets to the Emerald City) **Why does she have two tickets? Is she gonna invite me? I wanna go! And be with her. Alone.

Galinda: I'm gonna change my name!

**_Fiyero's Thoughts: Why is she still talking?_**

Galinda: I will henceforward be known no longer as GAlinda, but as simply, Glinda.

Fiyero's Thought's: Oh great! Another name I have to memorize! Galinda, Glinda, Galina, Gina, make up your mind!

Elphaba's Thought's: What is her obsession with changing names?

Fiyero: Wow that's very admirable of you...uh...Glinda **(Turns to Elphaba)**Well I guess "Glinda" isn't going to exit the scene any time soon and I feel the conversation has turned awkward so I'm gonna do what I do best: Run Away. Good Luck!! **(Runs Away, Elphaba stares longingly at him)**

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**_Fiyero's Thought's As He Runs Away: I can always tell her how I really feel when she get back right?_**

**Authoress Is Silent**

_**Fiyero's Thought's As He Runs Away: RIGHT?!**_

AN: Um yeah, sure.

**_Fiyero's Thought's As He Runs Away: Okay!_**

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**Back at the train station...STILL**

Glinda: See? All this thinking is putting a strain in our relationship!

Elphaba: Galinda!

Glinda: It's Glinda now! I don't even know why I did that! I didn't even care about the Old Goat!

Elphaba: It doesn't matter what your name is, everyone loves you! Hell you even have stalkers!

Glinda: I know but I want him! I don't even think he's that perfect! This must be what people like you feel like all the time! How do you bear it?

**They hug**

Elphaba: **(Under her breathe)** _I make little voodoo dolls and stick pins into them, that's how._

Glinda: What?

Elphaba: Nothing. Um conveniently Morrible The Fat Cow gave me two tickets to the Emerald City **(Elphaba's Thought's: One which I really wanted to give to the Winkie Prince)** would you like to go?

Glinda: **(Gasps)** I've never been there! Sure, I have class to attend and a 24 hour relationship to fix but that can wait! Let's go!

* * *

**In the train compartment which looks awfully like the compartments in Harry Potter.**

**Glinda enters the compartment with a cart full of food**

Elphaba: I thought you said you were hungry not dying of starvation.

Glinda: I AM dying of starvation, the last time I ate was 3 scenes ago, that and you told me to put it all on Frex's account so I figured I should order a lot.

Elphaba: Good point. **(Starts to grab a piece of fruit, but Glinda hits her hand)** Ow! What was that for?

Glinda: You didn't say YOU were hungry!

Elphaba: I thought you were gonna share!

Glinda: I am Glinda Upland of the Upper Uplands, I do not share when it comes to food.

AN: You better share

Glinda: Why?

AN: Because I said so. Trust me, just share.

Glinda: Fine! Elphie you can have the turkey leg over there.

Elphaba: Thanks but no thanks** (under her breathe)** Cow or should I say cow!

**Glinda fumbles with her dress, trying to undo her corset**

Elphaba: Um what are you doing?

Glinda: Trying to loosen my corset.

Elphaba: Why?

Glinda: So I can eat. **(loosens it)** Ahhhh much better!

Elphaba: Um I feel uncomfortable...

**Glinda stuffs herself with food, occasionally trying to talk and spitting bits of food at Elphaba**

Elphaba: Ewww! How do you know if what you're eating is a turkey or a Turkey?

**_Glinda's Thought's: Pretend to think, pretend to think! Pretend to care, pretend to care!_**

Glinda: **(Slowly)** Ummmm I don't know...Does it really matter? **(Tilts her head to the side)**

Elphaba: **(Rolls eyes)** Or better yet does the Scandalacious Prince know all of your lovely imperfection's?

Glinda: **(Her voice gets squeaky high, and drops her turkey leg)** Imperfection's? What imperfection's?

Elphaba: Ohh I don't know. Like how your hair isn't naturally blond-

Glinda: Squeak!

Elphaba: Or how you chew with your mouth open and eat with your hands-

Glinda: SQUEAK!

Elphaba: Or how you're really a size 8 but lie and say you're a size 2.

Glinda: Double SQUEAK! I don't know what you're talking about!

Elphaba: Yes you do, but since we're best buddies now I promise not to say a word. **(Elphaba gets up and grabs the suitcase the props people gave her)**

Glinda: Wait! What are you doing?

Elphaba: You got turkey OR Turkey bits all over my outrageous outfit. You don't expect me to meet the WONDERFUL Wizard like this do you **(looks in her suitcase)** WTF?

Glinda: **(With her mouth full) **What?

Elphaba: The stupid props people only gave me this hideous, conservative black dress and that dreaded hat you tricked me into wearing! What do you have?

Glinda: I don't know. I don't need to change.

Elphaba: Oh right. Of course. **(Picks up a spoon with mash potatoes, dips it in gravy and flings it at Glinda's dress)** Oops, I did it again.

Glinda: ELPHIE! Now I have to change!** (Gets her own suitcase, opens it. They both look through it)**

Elphaba: No fair, you get more clothes than I do!

Glinda: That's because the props people think I'm more important, that and it's easier to dress me.

**Elphaba flips her off while she's not looking**

**They change clothes. No, there is no Gelphieness. Not that I'm against it but I'm not for it either.**

**Glinda kicks cart of food out of the door, and takes out her make up kit.**

Elphaba: **(Looking at her) **I hope that's not Animal tested make up.

Glinda: It's not. **(Glinda's thoughts: It totally is)**

Elphaba: What are you putting on and why are you putting on so much?

Glinda: It's magical lotion. I'm using it so it'll get rid of my blemishes. Hey maybe you should try it! It might get rid of your green problems!

Elphaba: I don't think so

Glinda: Suit yourself! **(exits but drops her magical lotion)**

Elphaba: Hey you drop- Maybe I could borrow this? Just to try. It's not really stealing if I'm just going to try it out and then give it back right? I mean it's not like this is the last day I'll ever see her again, right?

**Authoress is silent.**

Elphaba: Right?!

Authoress: Ummm right...

Elphaba: Ok then!

* * *

**The Emerald City Part...that I find useless but okay**

Glinda: Ewwww everything's green!

Elphaba: Excuse me?

Ozians: What's wrong with the color green (**They corner Glinda with Pitchforks)**

Glinda: SQUEAK! Nothing, nothing at all I love it, right Elphaba, I love it. Tell them I love it! Tell them now!

Elphaba: She loves the color green, it's her favorite color! Why else do you think she's friends with me? Because I'm green. Now please lower your pitchforks.

Ozian Number 1: I don't believe her!

Ozian Number 2: Who? The Green One? I'm pretty sure the City of Emeralds is her favorite City, I mean look at her!

Ozian Number 1: Not the Green One you dumb ass, the Bubble Gum Girl!

Glinda: I'm not a Girl!

**Silence**

Glinda: I mean I'm not a Bubble Gum!

Elphaba: Of course she loves the City of Emeralds, she loves it soooo much she's gonna sing a song about it!

**_Glinda's Thoughts: If this is The City Of Emeralds, why don't they give away REAL emeralds?_**

**Glinda: I am?**

Elphaba: That's right!

**Ozians are impressed**

Ozian Number 1: What about you Avocado? Aren't you going to sing? Or do you hate our city too?

**Ozians take out their pitchforks again**

Glinda: The Avocado LOVES the City of Emeralds! That's why she's gonna sing too. In -fact, she wants the WHOLE city to sing with her!- **(Elphaba hits her) **-I mean US.

**Ozians put down their pitchforks and take out their instruments.**

Ozian Number 1: Oh well in that case, WELCOME to the Emerald City or also known as the City of Emeralds, Population: Unknown, Crime: Very high, but we like to ignore it. Let the party begin!

Ozians: ONE SHORT DAY IN THE CITY OF EMERALDS

BookVerse Elphaba: Look at these buildings, with the right ammunition they could suddenly fall apart...

Glinda: Dress Salons! My hair is in need of a quick dye...

BookVerse Elphaba: Libraries? I do need to do some quick research on how to start a rebellion...

Glinda: A Palace! I've always wanted a palace...to store all of my shoes...

BookVerse Elphaba: Museums! Hmmmm that would need more ammunition...

Glinda: It's all grand!

MusicalVerse Elphaba: And it's all green! This is the first time I ever matched anything!

Both: I THINK WE'VE FOUND THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! I WANNA BE IN THIS HOI POLLOI!

Glinda: What's a "Hoi Polloi"?

AN: I don't know, Microsoft word isn't marking it as wrong though... Honestly I thought it sounded more like a type of tree. But then that would mean that you want to be in a tree and that doesn't make any sense...

Elphaba: You guys are both dumb, "Hoi Polloi" means to be in the masses of ordinary people.

AN: So then why couldn't Stephen Schwartz write "I wanna be in the masses of ordinary people"?

Elphaba: Because then that would sound stupid, using "Hoi Polloi" makes him seem smarter and more cleaver. Duh! **(Hit's Authoress upside the head)**

AN: Ow! Mean!

Elphaba: So I'll be back FOR GOOD someday

Glinda: To make my life and make Fiyero marry me!

Both: BUT FOR TODAY WE'LL WANDER AND ENJOY!

Ozians: ONE SHORT DAY IN THE CITY OF EMERALDS, THE NAME OF THE CHAPTER WHERE FAE AND FIYERO DO NAUGHTY THINGS!

**Music stops**

Glinda: Wait, who's Fae?

BookVerse Elphaba: No one, don't listen to them, they're talking crazy talk again!

Glinda: **(Tilts her head to the side ) **Okay, the music can resume now.

Ozians: ONE SHORT DAY TO HAVE A LIFETIME OF FUN!  
ONE SHORT DAY!

Both: AND WE'RE WARNING THE CITY, NOW THAT WE'RE IN HERE

Elphaba: Oh you'll know we've been here **(Gets a spray can of green paint and sprays her name out on a wall)**

Both: BEFORE WE ARE DONE!

Glinda: You know what this city needs? A touch of pink to liven the place up-

**Ozians take out pitchforks**

Ozian Number 3: What? Meaning that out city is dull?

Glinda: What I meant to say was to liven the place up even MORE!

Ozian Number 3: Oh. You can put down the pitch forks.

**They do so and start playing music again.**

Glinda: Any ways, Elphie LOOK, the WizOmania. A Musical! Oooo get it? A musical in side a musical! Hurry let's go and waste more time watching something that has nothing to do with the plot!

Elphaba: Hold on! I want to enjoy this moment. For the first time nobody's pointing, nobody's staring, nobody's crying, nobody's gone to call NASA and say they found a Martian. For the first time I'm somewhere I belong.

AN: Well enjoy it while it lasts...

Elphaba: What?

AN: Nothing.

Glinda: You look positively, for lack of a better adjective, emerald!

Elphaba: You know what an adjective is?

Glinda: Shush, don't tell any one!

WizOmania Chorus: Let's brag about our wizard and how wonderful he is even though our city crime is very high AND he's a tyrant but he makes up for it by giving us really cool green shade sunglasses in order to distract us!

Elphaba: WHAT?

WizOmania Chorus: Nothing. OOOOOO ISN'T HE WONDERFUL? OUR WONDERFUL WIZARD?

Both: ONE SHORT DAY IN THE CITY OF EMERALDS

WizOmania: WHERE FAE AND FIYERO DO NAUGHTY THINGS THAT WILL BE IGNORED HERE!

All: WHAT A WAY TO BE SEEING THE CITY!

Both: WHERE SO MANY ROAM TO, HIDING THEIR CRIMES HERE. WE'LL CALL IT HOME TOO. AND THEN JUST LIKE NOW WE CAN SAY, "WE'RE JUST TWO FRIENDS"

Elphaba: Two good friends

Glinda: Two BEST friends

Ozians: Awww! How cute the Bubble Gum Girl and the Cucumber are friends!

All: SHARING ONE WONDERFUL, ONE SHORT-

The Very Flamboyant Ozian Offical: The Wizard Will See You Now!

All: DAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

* * *

**THE WIZARD'S CHAMBER OF SECRETS**

**A large head suddenly appears on stage and speaks in Darth Vader's voice.**

Wizard: I am the terrible and all powerful Oz! I know how to break your finger in 12 different ways without getting up AND I know Tae Kwan Do! Who are you and why do you seek me??

Elphaba: WTF! You're just some big metal head! Well this is HUGE disappointment!

Wizard: **(Normal Voice)** Oh Elphaba, is that you? **(Comes out of his hiding spot, revealing a short, old wrinkly man)** I didn't realize.

Glinda: You mean you're just some old dude? This whole time I thought you were Dumbledoor!

Elphaba: I know me too! With robes and long beard-

Both: With a wand!

Wizard: **(Nervous)** That's just false advertising! Don't listen to that crap, it's just crazy talk!

AN: No it's not!

Wizard: Shut Up!

AN: Mean!

Wizard: **(Looking at Elphaba strangely)** You must be Elphaba_ **(Wizard's thoughts: Funny you look like some one I met 18 years ago)**_ and your are **(Looks at Glinda)**

Glinda: Glinda, the GA is silent...

Wizard: Whatever.. And you, Elphaba must be happy to see me!

_**Elphabas Thoughts: Not really...I'm getting a bad feeling about this...I feel as if my hopes and dreams are quickly crashing...**_

Elphaba: Yeah, real happy...

Wizard: Well, that's good, cuz that's the only thing I'm good at: Making people happy. Hey! You man, with the pointy stick in your hand **(Points the Director of Orchestra)** Play my tune **(The Director flips him off and starts the mu**sic)

Wizard: I am a Sentimental Pansy- I mean Man, who always longed to be a Father. But instead of marrying some one I just tapped some ass, a married one at that...I wonder if she's still around...Oh yeah, that's why I do the best I can to treat each citizen of Oz as a son or DAUGHTER , I've always wanted a DAUGHTER. So Elphaba I'd like to suffocate you with my parental stalkiness and raise you high! Cuz I think everyone deserves a chance to FLY! For I am a sentimental man- I mean Pansy..I think...

Elphaba: Hmmm I'm a little creeped out but ok...that's great. Um I'm here to alert you that-

Wizard: That something bad is happening in OZ? I know that. **(Wizard's Thoughts: Hell! I'm the one causing it)** But first you must prove yourself.

Glinda: Well? What are you standing there for? Do Something!

Elphaba: How?

Wizard: I don't know I'm kinda hungry. Could you make me some old fashioned Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Elphaba: Chicken or chicken?

Wizard: Which ever is more handy, I don't really care-

**Enter Morrible The Cow**

Morrible: Oh Wizy-poo where are you?

Glinda: Morrible the big fat Cow?

Elphaba: What are you doing here?

Morrible: **(To the Wizard) **You told me you were free this afternoon!

Wizard: **(To Morrible**) I WAS! I didn't know they would be here so early!

Morrible: **(To the Wizard)** Of course not, you NEVER think! Not about this, not about that woman you met 18 years ago but left, not about your ongoing obsession with having your own children but not wanting to have them with me! Never! You never think!

Glinda: **(To Elphaba)** Ewww are they what I think they are?

Elphaba: **(To Glinda)** I don't want to know...** (Out Loud)** Maybe we should go...

Both Morrible and Wizard: NO!

Wizard: My little Cow, why don't you fetch me the book **(To Morrible, whispering ) **I promise we'll play _The Missing Wizard and How The Press Secretary Finds Him_ later.

Morrible: Promise?

Wizard: I promise.

Morrible: Okay. **(Goes and gets Book)**

Elphaba and Glinda: Umm Ewwwwwww!

**Moribble Re-Enters with The Grimmerie**

Glinda: Oh My Unnamed God! Is that the Grimmerie? Can-can I touch it and maybe even hold it?

Morrible: NO! I don't want sticky bubble gum hands on **(Hands it to Elphaba )** Here my precious Green Bean.

Elphaba: Umm don't call me that- (Looks at book, the title reads, THE GRIMMERIE: THE BOOK THAT FAT COWS AND STUPID WIZARDS CAN'T READ BECAUASE THEY NEVER ORDERED HOOKED ON PHONICS OR WATCHED THE READING RAINBOW... AND ARE TOO STUPID TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES) What a funny title...

Morrible: Well yes it's a lost language. The lost language of spells.

Elphaba: Oh right, the language, the funny language...

Glinda: **(under her breathe)** But even I can read it!

Morrible and The Wizard: What?

Glinda: **(Quickly)** Nothing! I don't know how to read!

Wizard: Anyway Elphaba, I have this cute little Monkey **(Christery enters)** who wants to be like Tweety Bird and fly.

Morrible: We thought a nice levitation spell would make him happy.

Wizard: So, how 'bout it?

Elphaba: Um I-I guess. What could go wrong...(Opens The Grimmerie to the page titled : HOW TO MAKE ANYTHING FLY; SIDE AFFECTS: UNKNOWN CUZ NO ONE'S EVER TRIED IT) "Wingify thy Monkey"

Christery: **(Becomes Wingified)** Ouchies!!

**(The other Monkeys become Wingified)**

Other Monkeys With No Name: OUCHIES!!!

Elphaba: Um this is not good, this is the opposite of good!

Glinda: Terrific?

Elphaba: That's not the opposite of good! Quick! How do I take it back!

Morrible: You can't do take backs **(To the Wizard)** I told you she was a special kind of weird!

Elphaba: You mean this was all a big plan?!?!

Morrible: Well don't worry you'll get some of the profits.

Wizard: Yeah, we'll negotiate that later.

Morrible: Aren't they just the cutest little spies **(Starts to pet one of them)**

Elphaba: SPIES?!?!?!

Wizard: Uh Oh..

Glinda: **(To herself)** This is not good. This is bad. Very, Very bad.

Wizard: "Spies" is a bad word. More like a Monkey Agent 007 who reports any Subversive Animal Activity!

Elphaba: That's the same thing! The title of the book was right; you and the Cow don't know how to do diddly squat! Plus your whole plan is stupid! How can you use Flying Monkeys as spies if they don't even know how to talk!

Wizard: I KNEW there was a flaw! You Cow! You said this wouldn't be a problem!

Morrible: You started it!

Elphaba: Both of you are useless pieces of crap!

Wizard: Elphaba, let me explain! Where I come from we had a little thing called ZOOS, and we kept animals in cages-

Elphaba: You what!

Glinda: **(To herself)** Oh no! I hope she doesn't do what I think she's gonna do...

Wizard: I just wanted to make a little Zoo! Maybe even a little Petting Zoo for little children, little children I never had**...(Makes a sad face, his eyes get teary like an anime character)** Don't you understand?

Elphaba: Oh I understand.

Glinda: You do? Cuz I thought you were gonna fly off the handle again.

Elphaba: I understand that you and the Fat Cow are effing crazy!! **(Gets Grimmerie and Runs like mad)**

Glinda: Damn it! She flew off the handle again! **(Goes after her)**

Wizard: Oh no! She ran away! Do something! She knows too much!

Morrible: Don't worry Wizzy-poo, I'll sit on her!

Wizard: Did you not just see her run away!

Morrible: You know I have bad vision!

Wizard: How can you miss her?!?! She's the effing color of effing GRASS!

Morrible: Ohh fine! I'll make an announcement **(Exits)**

Wizard: **(In his Darth Vader voice)** Guards! Guards! There's a large Kiwi on the loose! Find her! Catch her! And bring me some KFC while you're at it!

The Dumb Guards: Yes Master!

**Scene Changes to the Attic with a Window**

Glinda: Elphaba! Why do you always have to go crazy! If it's about the profits, they said they would negotiate!

Elphaba: I don't care about the profits! I care about my conscience and those poor little Monkeys!

Morrible's Voice: Citizens of Oz, there is a Zucchini on the loose that must be captured! Don't believe anything she says! It's all crazy talk! She's EVIL! It's her fault the monkey's are deformed! She's a Wicked Witch!!!! Oh and please fetch us some KFC. The Wizard's hungry. Thanks!

Glinda: Well I hope you're happy! Now you're on Oz's most wanted!

Elphaba: That wasn't my goal! I just wanted to help!

Glinda: Just say your sorry and then everything will be better!

Elphaba: No! Eff that! I'm leaving! Oh look a broom! "_Maketh thy broometh fly"!_

**Broom is levitated**

Glinda: I thought you were gonna get wings!

Elphaba: Yeah wouldn't that have been cool?

Glinda: Yeah!

Elphaba: **(gets on broom)** I'm gonna go DEFY GRAVITY, Wanna come with? I promise there will be lots of cute guys? Oh yeah, and UNLIMTED, TOGETHER WE'RE UNLIMTED. TOGETHER WE'LL BE THE GREATEST TEAM THERE'S EVER BEEN...GLINDA?

Glinda: You know I'm tempted but I think I'll just steal your dreams that you mentioned while singing "The WIZARD and I"

Elphaba: Suit yourself. I HOPE IT BRINGS YOU BLISS

Glinda: Oh it will, I'm sure of it.

Both: I REALLY HOPE YOU GET IT AND YOU DON'T LIVE TO REGRET IT! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN THE END!  
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.  
MY FRIEND.

Elphaba: Damn! Talk about foreshadowing! Oh I forgot, and please watch over Nessa for me and tell Fiyero I said Hi and that Fae will be waiting for him 5 years from now in the Wizards Chamber of Secrets.

Glinda: Will do! Wait who's Fae!

Elphaba: Umm you of course... **(starts to fly upward, the Guards come in)**

Guards: We're looking for a something green, where and who is it?

Elphaba: IT'S MEEE! SO IF YOU CARE TO STALK ME, LOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY **(hence my future name)** AS SOME IDIOT TOLD ME LAST SCENE, EVERYONE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FLY! AND IF I'M FLYING SOLO, AT LEAST I WONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH EXTRA WEIGHT ON MY BROOM! TO THOSE WHO TRY TO STAK ME DOWN TAKE A MESSAGE ON MY MACHINE! YOU IDIOTS CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL. I'M GONNA FLY HIGH, DEFYING GRAVITY! AND NOBODY IN ALL OF OZ.  
NO WIZARD THAT THERE IS OR WAS IS EVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN!

Guard Number 1: Look at her she's wicked!

Guard Number 2: Get her!

Guard Number 3: What did she do exactly?

Guard Number 1: I don't know...

Guard Number 2: Get her anyway!

Guard Number's 1and3: Okay

Elphaba: BRING ME DOWN!!!!

Guards: NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED! SO WE'VE GOT TO BRING HER...

Elphaba: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Guards: DOWN!!!!

Glinda: Damn it! I never got to test her on how to be popular.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay so that was the end of Act 1, enjoy. It was the LONGEST chapter. I was gonna cut it in half but I though you guys deserved the whole thing.

Vicster's Jar of Dirt: Reviewing every chapter does make me happy. I liked AWE it's just some parts of I didnt like...But i guess seeing Johnny Depp more than makes up for it right?

Bombalurinasara: As Long As Your Mine will indeed be very intresting as that is the only thing I had planned, everything else comes as one big surprise

LostOzian: Yes, lets kill Dorothy. It's weird, I'm reading the book now and I'm past the The City Of Emeralds chapter [Sob and into The Vinkus part, but I started skimming...and it just makes me sad...but on a lighter note, MusicalFiyero, to me, is a lot like Avaric dont you think:)

xxxDefyGravityxxx: Fiyero's fun to write, I was always upset that he didn't have a bigger part though...

ChocolateStar: Yeah, ch. 1 was confusing to me but dont worry, fixed it. I loved writing Fiyero's thoughts, I think that's my favorite part in that chapter.

green-eyed-goddess: For some reason I like the relationship between boq and nessa. i feel he should have given her a chance but I also feel that maybe Nessa should've been a little less obsessive...

GelphieFluffGirl-Wicked: I agree, that is the best line in that whole chapter. Mind you, I'm not a big fan of Justin Timberlake...

TaylxBayl: Yes, it seems as though the Lion Cub isnt that cowardly after all...

Yorkie Lover: I'm glad you like it, and I hope you enjoyed the extra long chapter:)


	6. Authors Note Sorry

AUTHORS NOTE: Hey, sorry if this got your hopes up, I just wanted to excuse myself now instead of later. I won't be able to post in about a week or so, (I think), something came up with my family, mainly family problems, but I'll be taking my laptop with me :) ... So hopefully it won't take forever...cross your fingers...and I'll update when I get back.. 

Thanks and sorry for the false alarm.

Fae


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